Naivety World

“You need to get out of the house,” my cousin told me. I would have rolled my eyes and laughed it off if he hadn’t looked so serious. “You won’t meet anyone when you’re cooped up in the house.”

Apparently, they don’t deliver your husband to your door step. That’s disappointing. It’s one of the reasons I tried dipping my toes into the digital sea of dating sites. I swam through the treacherous waters of pixels and algorithms and it felt like window-shopping for emotions. A swipe here, a like there, and somehow, the depth of human connection got lost in the endless scrolling.

Anyway, on my defense, I do go out occasionally and I do network and meet people as often as I’m able. But other times, for my own peace of mind, body and pocket, I choose to stay in. It’s already exhausting enough having to wear a bra. Plus, if it’s all about falling in love, I do that every time I start a new romance book. My book boyfriends are not complaining. Urgh.

But okay, on a serious note, being indoors has made it somewhat difficult for me to be social even when I am outside. I will be in and out of an event, gathering or meeting faster than it takes to do a full-face beat. It’s not that I don’t long for human connection or the thrill of meeting new people. It’s just… stepping out into the world feels like navigating a maze of uncertainty. I will not apply the slogan “it is what it is”. I really do want to change this, but I will also possibly not convert overnight and become an outdoorsy girl. What is an outdoorsy girl even? Can I just have the sweet in-between, please?

Nonetheless, maybe I should try it—venture outside and embrace the unknown. It might be the new adventure I need.

But what if I find myself lost in a sea of unfamiliarity, unable to swim back to the safety of my own space? But then, staying cocooned indoors won’t bring me the genuine moments and shared experiences I crave. Urgh. I am torn! They say stepping out of your comfort zone is the only way to grow and discover new horizons. But the thought of putting myself out there, it’s like facing a storm without an umbrella. As if an umbrella would protect me from a storm.

I understand that the only way for me experience the mind-blowing adventures I watch and read about, is to step out of my comfort zone. I can’t always live vicariously through other people. I may as well venture out without an umbrella and enjoy the rain beating down my face, and hope lightning doesn’t strike.