Naivety World

Here’s the part of pleasure we don’t talk about enough. It doesn’t start in your body, it starts in your mind.

If you’ve ever felt aroused by a look across the room, a saucy text message, or the sound of someone’s voice, then you’ve already experienced how much power the brain has. Touch is amazing, but the brain is where desire is sparked, sustained, and intensified.

The trouble is, most of us weren’t raised to explore that side of ourselves. We were told to keep fantasies to ourselves, to tone down our desires, to act like sex was something you just do not talk about. And for a long time, anything outside what’s considered acceptable was labeled deviant. But most of what gets called that is simply desire, curiosity, and imagination. So, a lot of people learn how to go through the motions without ever really asking: What do I actually like? What turns me on? What makes this experience feel good for me? That kind of silence has real consequences. If you’ve never learned to notice your own desires, it becomes nearly impossible for a partner to figure them out.

The starting point is curiosity. Notice what gets you excited. Discover the full range of what you like. So much of sex happens in the brain, it’s the buildup before anyone touches you. It is why a single sentence can sometimes feel more intoxicating than a whole night of physical contact. This is also why audio erotica has grown in popularity. It invites you to close your eyes and let your mind do the work. 

The barrier, of course, is shame. Some people will see the context of this blog and shy away, feeling that exploring their own desires is somehow wrong. Shame makes us downplay what excites us, keep quiet, and settle for good enough because we fear judgment. It disconnects us from ourselves, and by extension, from anyone we hope to be intimate with.

Give yourself permission to admit that sexual pleasure matters. Explore what feels good for your body. You don’t need to act out every fantasy. Exploration doesn’t have to be extreme. It can be as simple as taking more time with yourself when oiling your body and paying attention to what kind of touch makes you relax, and what kind makes you tense. Once you know your desires, intimacy changes. Sex shifts from being just about release to being about connection, satisfaction, and depth.

According to sex therapist Ian Kerner (Author of “She Comes First”), understanding and communicating your own arousal can shift intimacy from performance to genuine connection, creating more satisfying experiences for both partners. Now read that again.

Your pleasure is not something to be ashamed of. It’s not an afterthought. It’s part of your wholeness, and giving yourself permission to explore it is one of the most intimate ways of honoring who you are.

Ps: This is part of a larger conversation in Naivety World where we explore love, connection and emotional honesty. If you’d like to keep exploring with us, join our whatsapp community here and subscribe to the blog.