So many things have happened within the last two months. I don’t even know where to start. No, I’m not in love yet, but I am dating. But the most exciting thing has been the almost completion of my poetry book and the shooting of my first film.
Honestly, I’ve gone through so much with that. Ideally, I thought I’d do two this year. They are short films after all. But I don’t want to compromise on story and quality, and the reality of filmmaking in this country has taught me to be patient. More patient than I have ever been. I’ve laughed, and cried, and held on to hope that the things I want, the things I am pushing for would happen. But can we talk about how difficult it is to make a film in this country? Like, really?
Right now, as I type this, I’m exhausted. Today was supposed to be my day off. I had plans of staying in bed, binge-watching Criminal Minds, zoning out of reality for a bit. And yet, here I am, mentally running through problems I have no control over until Monday, trying to come up with solutions that aren’t mine to fix right now.
In the midst of it all, my mind won’t stop coming up with ideas for other movies, random, fleeting ideas that pop up out of nowhere. But honestly, I don’t even want to write them down. Not right now. I don’t need more reasons to question myself. I don’t need more projects to pile onto the list of things I’m already doubting. Wouldn’t it be nice, though, to shoot a couple of simple 1 minute films?…just because…. Who would want to collaborate with me?
Everything is figure-outable, eventually. In the meantime, it’s me and Hotchner against the world.
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